Re:Zero - Journey Through Madness

So you've heard about the show from everybody, right? Your friends, your parents, your cousins, your grandma, your dog—you don't even own a dog! Everybody's telling you that Re:Zero is the greatest anime of all time. It's better than freaking X-Arm, it's better than Sword Art Online, it's even better than Tokyo Ghoul. It's just the greatest show to ever exist. But that show's like 25 episodes, dude! That's like a whole hour you don't have time for. That's way too long. If only some beautiful, amazing person could summarize it for you in a few minutes...

The Beginning of the Madness

The story starts with this guy named Natsuki Subaru. He's at a convenience store to buy some stuff. Then, as soon as he walks out of there, he's transported to another world. What? How did he get transported to another world? Don't you ever ask these kinds of questions. Then he runs into some guys who want to rob his stuff, so he beats them up. But hey, yo, they strap, so they beat him up. But then, oh frick, this lady named Emilia comes to save him. Cool. Then they have fun together, then they die. But oh frick, Subaru actually has the power to go back in time every time he dies. Then he goes back to the place where he died, except now it's earlier in the day. So he gets to meet the person who killed him. Then he dies again. What was the plan?

Endless Cycles of Death

Then he dies another time. Nobody cares. But now this time, my man is ready to scrap. He's built different now. He's got the power of friendship and teamwork, and also the most OP guy in the show. This guy swings his sword so hard that it nukes the whole freaking building. And then she dies, except not really. She escapes, but instead Subaru dies, except not really. He actually wakes up in a mansion where he gets the life sucked out of him and dies, except he doesn't. Are you following me so far?

The Mansion Arc

He wakes up and meets two new people now, Rem and Irrelevant. He becomes a butler at the mansion, but uh oh, after a few days, he dies in his sleep. But actually, that's boring, so he goes back and dies again. But this time, his head explodes. Now he's trying to figure out who's killing him. Oh frick, he'll strap up. Subaru then gets killed for smelling bad. This time, he stays in his room, but now Rem dies in her sleep somehow. Then Irrelevant thinks Subaru did it because she is a stupid character. So to prove that he didn't do it, Subaru jumps off of a cliff. Wait, what?

The Power of Deduction 

Man comes back and is like, "I'ma make sure no one dies this time," and through expert deduction, he finds out that the true killer was a dog because this is a good show. The dog tries to kill a bunch of children, but then Subaru and Rem save the children, and then Subaru dies. But actually, he doesn't. This time, he goes and kills the dog, but not really. It actually gets blown up by the Joker. They manage to save the whole village, and also somewhere along the line, Rem falls in love with Subaru or something. And that's the end of the show, but actually, it's not.

The Love Triangle

One month has passed since all that stuff happened, and now Rem has actually properly fallen in love with Subaru over the course of this month. Which some people seem to have a problem with because apparently, one month is not enough time to fall in love with someone. These people were later found out to be the makers of One Piece. I'm not sure if I mentioned this already, but Subaru is actually in love with Emilia. So in order to gain her love, he decides to completely ignore her requests, break her trust, and bust into the king's palace in order to make her look like a complete idiot because Subaru is a good character.

The King's Palace

This new guy named Orange Julius comes through and tells Subaru that he's an idiot, and then Subaru says, "No, you." He later finds out that this does not work outside of Discord. Blah blah blah, drama, then everyone dies or something, I don't know. Subaru then goes insane for an episode, then Rem plays Twister, and now he's not insane. But actually, he is. He then meets Emilia, who dies, and then he also dies after getting killed by a cat because this is a good show. Then he gives up on life, but then Rem makes him not give up on life because Rem is amazing. But that doesn't matter because he loves Emilia now.

The Final Battle

Subaru pulls the whole squad together. He's gonna take down the bad guys. He's gonna take down the flying whale. Did I mention that there is a flying whale? Subaru pulls up with the squad and blows that man up and drops a whole freaking tree on it. Then they gotta go after the Joker, but not this Joker, a different one. They track him down and bust him up, but now he's the Joker, and he freaking blows up. And now he's the Joker. Then they bust him up, and now he's the Joker. Wait, wait a minute. Then Subaru dies because he is now the Joker. But now he's back here, so he comes up with a different plan. Then they kill all the Jokers again, except this time it's a lot cooler. Then when Subaru becomes the Joker again, he's like, "Hell no, thumb, you were deciding all along." Then he blows him up. But uh oh, now Emilia is gonna blow up because bombs and stuff, whatever. So Subaru is like, "Nah, I got you, fam, and also I love you." Then he dies, but actually this time he doesn't because this is the last episode.

The End? Not Really

Then everything is over. All the bad guys are dead. Subaru saved the day, got the girl. That's the end of the show, but actually, it's not. Also, there's a cat boy in here somewhere. I don't know.

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